Earwax : Amnesia - Cherish


This song constantly plays in my mind. Its really upsetting to see people around me getting their heart broken by the people they love. I dono why i teared while typing this just first sentence. I cant say I understand the pain they r goin thru bcos I noe evrione goes thru a different level of despair and sorrows. But I can relate to it. Some woke up thinkin of the person who broke their heart, the one who got away. Some dream about how they were once together going thru evritink together and wished they r still together now. Some wished they wud be forgiven for e mistake they did and wish tt he cud see hw regretful she is and am being damn honest wen she says "I will change for e better". For watever other reason there is, how can ONE not be worth to a person after being together for a few years say two, three or even six years?


I noe its too late to give an explanation. To explain the things we did and why we did it noeing its wrong. To think abt what could hv been done to make him stay. To wonder what was actually e right thing to do. To wish secrets wudnt just be revealed by the people we trusted. To admit e mistake and dissappointments we made bt convince them they is still a part of us tt is worth keeping. To thinks of the what-ifs and be more daring and less considerate. Wud things hv been different then?


But then again, how can we chose to be a perfect someone, e perfect couple in this unperfect world?


Jz lyk u and e rest of us, there's always a story of unrequited love. It was truly hard to get over someone whom we once shared our evritink wit. There's this someone whom I noe tt is gg thru tis phase. Even up till now she wonders if keeping distance frm him is e right ting to do. She's doin all tis to accept e fact he isnt right fer her bcos of e fact they wil nvr get back together, ever. The fact tt he's hving fun wit all e other girls. I am no one to judge whether he is happy or nt now. All I can say is he is e guy who got away. The other party just can't decide for themselves. First he love her dearly, she made mistakes and were forgiven, and then all of a sudden all hell break loose, he said he no longer love her because of her past which he initially forgived. Then whats e point of forgivin and giving her another chance?


She misses how things were. There r days wen she wakes up and yearn tt things cud jz be lyk hw it was used to. But she believes tings happened fer a reason - tt god has better plans fer her. To take away wat isnt hers and gave her choices n to fight for it.



So she chose to close the door that was once open to let him bck in her life and decides to find someone as funny as him, as caring as him, as loving as him, as adorable as him, as spontaneous as him, as honest as him, as fillial as him and even better than him. But mayb she's not ready to say it aloud tt she has found sumone new.



Im nt sure if u see things e way she does bt lyk i said i cn relate. Wenever she tries to clear things up wit sumone, even if it means lying, then she must hv cared fer tt person - wat he doesnt noe (e truth), wont hurt him. I dun tink she'd bother to explain herself if she really dun gv a damn.


But its alright, no point of explaining now because she believed his heart has turned to stone. Evritink is goin great for her now. She flashes her smile in evri pictures she took. She has friends who nvr fail to gv her their support. People ard her thinks her life is faboulous and terrific. She goes out have a blast and partied hard. On e surface, yes she is pretty much judged as sumone who is arrogant n conceited n all e negative tings tt comes wit being an avid clubber. But beneath this facade, people do not noe wat had actually happened to her, wat she had gone thru or wat made her change now.


She has found someone new, that charming boy who looks great, dress to impress, converse well and gt along wit her jz fine. e one who always c tings in a different ways frm others n knock sense into her head weneva they debate. The look in his eyes says it all - tt he has fallen for her.


Was all that an over share? How about some more?


On e very first date, it was a battle of heart n mind for her. She wasnt sure if she ever will feel e same way as he does towards her bcos its hard to let go of e past. Few dates went by, he talked abt e girls he met n dated n hw he fell in love wit them. She began to doubt but she still listen intensely. e more she listened to him, e more she believed him and kick tt "playboy" impression tt she had towards him at first. She realised tt she's sittin, sipping hot chocloates with someone who is brave enuf to admit e bad boy shit he had done and being unpretentious abt what r e things tt he regretted abt doin bt made him learn. Minutes and hours and days went by, she collate all e info she had learned abt him. She loves details. She analyzed him and discovered his gentleman ways, his sharp wits, his intellectual conversation and of course, she finds tt he's undeniably charming in his own ways.

After a few times of rejection, she admitted and answered readily to his question of "will you be my girlfren?".


So there you have it. All im tryin to say is to face life e way it shud afterall we make our own life, our own future. Just dun sit ard n wait for sth to happen. Instead, make one. Im not sayin tt ur life wud end up like mine. Prove to those who break ur heart tt u can live without them cuz at e end of e day, its jz u n urself. And only time will tell. Cuz he will wake up one day n realised hw much u actually mean to him n wen e day finally arrive, u'll be wakin up next to e person who alrdy knew. As much as i hate to admit, I learned mine in a very hard way. When I got hospitalised and convalescing fer e nxt 14 days, i noe its nt a punishment by HIM bt its a condition that I can and I MUST change. All I can say is, have faith in HIM. E reason why e phrase "Worries End When Faith Began" is too powerful and mean so much to me is bcos I hv learn to embrace fate.

The boy who gv me tingles in a silly place wen i look at his face.
The boy who became my aspirin weneva my head hurts lyk hell.
The boy who acts lyk a crutch wen i had my broken heart.
The boy who sticks lyk a glue wen evritink falls apart.
The boy who became a week wen i need only a day.
I love you, Muhammad Faiz.



And also not forgetting my two bestest girlfrens, Ella & Farah. Here's pictures from yest's Sentosa outing. Yeah we still went there and hv a good bonding session.

Aft I got home,

mama : adik mandi eh? kenape gelap?

me : yaaa mandi laut

mama : sajak la adik ngn faiz. adik balik laut gelap, faiz balik utan gelap

ma : eh mama da kenape? kate sehati sejiwe so must same2 -_-

Evrione in e house keep askin abt Faiz. "faiz da call adik?" , "faiz skrg kat utan ke?", "faiz ade auto-roaming tk?".. faiz this and faiz that. They r nt helping. Im missing him even more.

Anyways people, I recommend you to watch "Seducing Mr.Perfect" Watch it fer free at YouTube. Watch tt show, it comes in handy. Faiz told me he picked up few tips frm tt movie.. boy was he honest abt it cuz aft watchin it wit him till e wee hrs of e morning, no wonder i find tt sumtimes its so hard to impress him with e things I do or say.

I wouldn't be blogging so much aft this cuz I noe i'll be loaded with things to do so have a happy Sunday!